The Retro Blog

This post is not for the faint of heart. A while back educational filmmakers figured out that the best way to get people’s attention was to show ‘em blood. These films take it to the extreme, showing people just what can go wrong if you don’t follow the rules.

“Signal 30″ is the most infamous of the “bloody teenagers dead in crunched up cars” movies. Obviously going for shock value, the film uses a blaring, dramatic soundtrack to get you in the mood for its B movie stylings. I especially like the introductory warning that “Our actors are paid nothing. Most of the actors in these movies are bad actors and received top billing only on a tombstone.”

“Last Date” is a less bloody 1949 narrative film that warns of the dangers of hot-rodding. Young Joanne goes for a ride with Nick, and (surprise surprise), they smash into another car. Skip to 16:30 for the thrilling build up. It leaves vain little Joanne rather pissed that she didn’t die because she’s too ugly to go on any more dates. Keep your eyes peeled for Dick York!

“Why Not Live” leads me to believe I’m going to suffer a horrible accident at any minute. It has horrors ranging from cutting yourself with a can opener to little boys pointing guns at their own faces for fun. It’s actually a promotional film for the Red Cross, but for me it was all about the creative ways people cause themselves bodily harm. The first few minutes are the best. If you’ve ever wanted to watch a 1930’s car get rammed by a steam locomotive, this is for you. Another great shot involves a car attempting to jump onto a rotating bridge and instead taking a dive into the water.

“Shake Hands With Danger” is a 1970’s film about the safe use of heavy machinery and construction equipment. It keeps you in suspense; sometimes it’s merely a close call, other times workers are left screaming and covered in gore. It’s got a lovely little country soundtrack that narrates the various bloody ways one can become a “three fingered Joe.”